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Yes, this is necessary [Feb. 19th, 2010|09:15 am]
[Current Mood |crazy*_*]

I WANT THE MILES EDGEWORTH GAME SO BADLY that I can almost taste its smooth, plasticky case cover, but I'm probably going to have to dip into my savings as it is to pay my bills this month. My sister said she'd give me the money for it since she never got me a birthday present, but! I don't want to pester her about it. But ohhh I really want it.

I have been waiting for this game for foreeeever.

I've been checking Craigslist religiously and applying because babysitting and helping my aunt take down her wallpaper aren't going to be enough. I applied for unemployment and am waiting to hear back from them. Weirdly, I feel kind of embarrassed to need assistance. I'm pretty liberal and I recognize that there are plenty of hard-working people who need government assistance - and I don't fault them for that. Shit happens, especially in this economy. Yet when it comes to myself...I don't know. I wish I could do things on my own without help.

Buddy doesn't have cancer, thank god.

I love his clean laundry smell. You don't really get that with dogs.
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Um [Feb. 7th, 2010|12:04 am]
[Current Mood |blankblank]

...I think when I tell myself that I'm not drunk, that means I should give it at least two more hours before I'm 100% sober, because wow, that last entry was embarrassingly sentimental and weird. I'm sorry for inflicting that upon you.

So a lot has happened - Christmas (I got money and a sock monkey and some marzipan and a sweet Gundam model from Ben that I put together on Christmas Eve), and I turned 23 on January 19th. My big gift from my mom was an amazing microplush queen-size heated blanket because my apartment is still so cold. Also, my apartment has ANOTHER leak that will never get fixed, so we're up to three now. I'm consoled by the fact that the leaks only occur when the furnace is on, so at least when spring gets here, we won't have to worry about them anymore. That's yet another reason for me to want spring to get here. I could move to the equator and never have to deal with winter again, and I wouldn't miss it. I'm serious.

I lost my job a week ago.Collapse )

So, after I was let go, I came home to the news that Buddy's mouth infection spread to his heart. I'm still waiting on lab results about whether it's cancerous or not. For now, he's on five different medications, one of which is supposed to help out his heart. When I pulled them all out and lined them up in the kitchen, my sister and mom just gave me these looks, like wow. If his heart doesn't get better or the lab results come back cancerous, I'm going to throw in the towel. He looks so tired most of the time. Not just tired like in sleepy, but the real tired. And I'm tired, too, of seeing him in pain. It's completely possible that he'll make it through this fine, like last time, but he's had a lot of close calls lately. I feel like having a very sick person or animal in your life is always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I'm at the house of these boys I'm babysitting so I can make ends meet. Next week, I'm helping my aunt take down some wallpaper for money, too. I'll be able to make it through this month financially okay, I think, but I've got to come up with something else. I've been looking for a first-shift job, and I'm thinking about doing some sewing for extra money.

One good thing to come out last month: I spent a lot of my free time playing Persona 4 and reading the Sherlock Holmes stories, and they're AWESOME. ♥ More on that some other time, because this entry's long enough and I told my sister I'd do her federal taxes for her if she brought me some burritos.

Edit: Oh god, I basically just sold my soul for some burritos. I do not want to do this now but have already agreed. Also, oh I forgot to mention this, a HUMONGOUS filling fell out of one of my molars about a month ago so all the spicy burrito fillings like the onions got stuck in it and were burrrrrrning. All sorts of food gets stuck in there throughout the day. It's like having a pantry in my mouth, except that sounds cool and this is actually gross.
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And I twenty-twoed that dude [Nov. 20th, 2009|12:00 am]
[Current Mood |lazylazy]

Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answers to the following questions.
Post the first definition it gives you.
Tag 3 people.

Meme.Collapse )

Tagging: whoever wants to do this because I'm lazy and have to pee, I just realized.

I started writing again, about pomegranates and Alaska and family. So far, it's kind of quiet and lonely.
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This is just my brain barfing out my thoughts [Nov. 7th, 2009|11:46 pm]
[Current Mood |weirdweird]

Sometimes I have these moments where I feel like I'm waking up from a dream and I've just been dropped into this life, which is funny because I've been doing things to create the life I have now. Like I just realize, "Oh my god, I'm a self-sufficient adult with a job. I have an apartment and bills and a family who cares about me and wants me to bring a pie to Thanksgiving and a boyfriend and other people who care about me. There are people who like me? I graduated college?" I don't know how to explain it. It sounds stupid probably. I'm just amazed at how much of my life is actually dependent on things I do, rather than have done to me. Maybe I just have this mindset because I come from a dysfunctional family, and when you're a kid, you don't have too much control over what happens to you. You learn that nothing is stable and to expect anything. And I do mean anything.

So all week I've been sick, and I've been working and sleeping a lot (and playing KH: 385/2 days, which I would be playing right now if I wasn't writing this). Also, I guess I am an adult now, and I realize that I miss the world view/optimism I had as a kid. What's different is that I believe in just about nothing now, as opposed to everything then, and there's also just that feeling of possibility. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you're told again and again that "you can be anything you want to be." I can't believe I'm even saying this when it's not like I'm eighty or anything. I'm twenty-two. And there are plenty of awesome eighty-year-olds out there doing amazing things for the first time in their lives still.

If I ever start disliking Christmas and/or stop getting excited over it, I really will have to be sad. I don't believe in heaven or god or Santa, and I'm not sure if we have souls (the idea that we might just die and turn to dirt scares the crap out of me), and I'm pretty sure there is a monster sleeping inside all of us and the hungriest ones sometimes sleep in the unlikeliest of places - but Christmas is awesome. I'm always the first to wake up, and I get everybody else up. I love how I can be as cheesy and tacky as possible this one day of the year, and it's encouraged. Everyone has a sense of purpose on that day and is so happy, and the same things happen pretty much every year and it doesn't bother me. Feel the nostalgia~ Oh, and there is EGG NOG and fruitcake and I like both of those because I'm a freak. Last year, my dad drunkenly hit a fire hydrant in the FJ Cruiser, and it still didn't mess up my Christmas groove.

I'm going with my roommate to work tomorrow - she wants to go to Tim Hortons, and work is right next to there, so I get to sleep in and not have to do the two hour bus thing. ♥ YIP YIP.

I hope you all had a good Halloween. I spent mine in the hospital with Ben because he had a Crohn's Disease attack. He was in there for a few days. Then he suddenly showed up at my work with his parents and a rat trap, because they thought it was funny that I told them that those traps freak me out. I refused to take it, and they refused to take it back. So my manager played with it ("Look, I can make it jump! God, I love this thing."), and it snapped on his thumb. This is probably the first job I've had where my bosses don't suck.
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My cat the weirdo [Oct. 27th, 2009|09:49 pm]
[Current Mood |relievedrelieved]

Despite having a nasal feeding tube and a cone,



We still have to squirt the liquid diet mixture and water through the tube, though. He has to regain his strength, and I don't want his health to depend on whether or not he'll eat solid food until he's totally recovered.

He enjoys tilting his cone head back and showering me with a spray of snot because he occasionally gets sneezing fits. It must be because of the tube.

I'm so glad I didn't put him to sleep. Buddy, you finicky dork.

In other news, EXHAUSTED. Woke up at 7, boarded public transportation at around 8:04, did bank stuff/mailed gas bill/bought foodstuffs for the day before work, and worked from 10 am to 9 pm since someone called in sick. Arrrgh my feet.
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So [Oct. 26th, 2009|06:50 pm]
[Current Mood |exhaustedexhausted]

I decided to go with the nasal feeding tube for a couple of weeks after all after talking to the vet. Buddy will be able to walk around like he always does and won't be lying around with a giant tube down his throat like I pictured. The vet said sometimes this happens with cats, they just decide to stop eating. But she said that in about 90% of the cases once they start getting fed again, it's like a switch flips in their brain and they go back to eating normally. He's also got serious issues with his mouth again because of his auto-immune issues but his internal organs are all apparently healthy. Something just didn't feel right about putting him to sleep.

We'll have to use a syringe to squirt food into the tube. An upside of this is that we can crush his medicine and squirt it down there, too. I never thought I'd do this, but hell, it's worth a shot. If he doesn't eat normally after a couple of weeks, then I'll decide where to go from there.

I was up all night and am so exhausted, but my cousin Becca, her baby, and her significant other are moving into my mom's house. I have work 10-6 tomorrow and should get all my laundry and stuff out of here.
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I'm reminded of this video [Oct. 26th, 2009|07:38 am]
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. [Oct. 23rd, 2009|05:29 pm]
Buddy's euthanasia appointment is on Monday. I was given the option of that or a feeding tube.

And things are just not looking up [Oct. 21st, 2009|11:32 am]
[Current Mood |stressedstressed]

Giving Buddy pills is a lot like what I imagine performing an exorcism on a cat would be like, minus the whole thing with the crosses and the holy water. The chanting is still there, but I guess mine is more of a pleading. I'm wearing some of my mom's Victoria's Secret Pink clothes (and man, it feels weird wearing clothes that are not your own) because my clothes got splattered with Buddy's blood. His mouth looks better, but he stopped eating again and he's spent the last hour crying to be let out of the bathroom where I put his food, and I feel like shit. There are probably people who think I'm a selfish monster for not just putting him to sleep, but as long as I feel like he has fight left in him, I don't want to give up on him. Maybe this is his way of telling me he's given up the fight. I just don't know.

My awesome roommate left me some Thai vegetable soup in the fridge and my sister's friend wants to take pictures of my apartment because he has a thing for old houses, so I'll probably hang out there for a bit today. I bought some plastic sheeting to finish up winterizing the apartment and am thinking about doing it when Jessica's not there to surprise her.

Edit: So I just found a giant chunk of tapeworm in some cat throw up. I'm thinking this is probably part of the problem? Buddy's mouth was acting up, anyway, but I think this might explain a lot.
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HELLO [Oct. 19th, 2009|08:56 pm]
[Current Mood |relievedrelieved]

I don't even know where to start, it's been so long since I updated. I can't believe I didn't update last month at all. :O Part of this is because my life has been really hectic and has undergone some serious changes in such a short amount of time, part of it is because I spend a great amount of time in places with no Internet access (and the Internet at my apartment that I moved into - yes, I have my own place now :D - isn't working again, so I'm writing this at my mom's), and part of it is that I've been using Facebook and the longer you go without updating a journal, the less you want to update it because there's so much more to say.

A little about my new apartment, sick cat, drunk dad, applying for grad school, and other fun stuff.Collapse )
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